I’m not expecting failure, nor am I expecting success. 

I think it’s just a little disheartening and worrisome how people view me. 

Two and a half years ago, I ventured into this path that I told myself I’d never ever bother walking along. I got a taste of it once, and I didn’t like it. From then on, I swore I would never. But I did. I don’t want to blame you for it, but it was both a blessing a curse that it was you who triggered it. 

Blessing in a sense that I rediscovered the carefree side of me, but a curse because I overdid it. This phase that I went through was stupid, naive and crazy - it embodied what it meant to be young, wild and free. 

I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t like it. I know that it wasn’t self-fulfilling in any way at all. But a part of me knew that I only pushed myself more because I didn’t care anymore. I thought I’d give people a show, and give them what they wanted to a point that it became my identity. 

And now that I’ve chosen to revert back to a more controlled state, people doubt me. Now that I’ve chosen a path where I feel more at ease and more like myself, people laugh at me. My reputation has been stigmatized by my actions in the past. 

Don’t get me wrong though. I don’t particularly regret anything I had done because the past is the past, and everything is meant to be a learning experience. It’s just disheartening how people refuse to accept change.

(Day 15 and 16 are also applicable to the same person on Day 14)

Dear B from P.T,

Life is so different now, isn’t it? Sometimes I wonder if you still live in the same house and same street, just as I had remembered it. While I only lived there for 3 years (more or less), everything back then seemed like a different world.

I remember how I was usually alone - how my parents were off working, and how I was stuck at home with all the demons to play with. Outside that house, I had you. We’d make our own forts using whatever was one the floor of your house. Though it seemed like majority of the time, I remember diving into the pile of jeans while your dad worked. I remember the huskiness, and the thick, deep voice you had whenever you spoke to me. I never really understood what you said, but I went with it anyway because I knew that as long as I was with you, it was always going to be just fun and games. Life was a playground of some sort with you around. 

But I wonder where you are now. Did you finish college? Do you still live there? Do you still dive into the pile of jeans like we used to?

How I’d like to know.

Sincerely, 

The white, chubby, Chinese-looking girl.